Say you scared if you scared.

And I’m not some teenager anymore, rather I’m at the peak of adolescence that society has described, and what my friends say is the “longest year” to wait before I’m legal. It hasn’t hit me yet, or maybe it has and I’m just accepting it like all the birthdays before me. I’m old in my eyes, still young in my father’s. I’ve grown bigger, taller, wider, yet in my mother’s vision I am still that overbearingly influential child that has changed my family’s life forever. For the last twenty years, I have tried to live happily and find the meaning of what it is behind the closed scenes of maturity. Successful in some points but mostly unsuccessful overall, I’m halfway towards 40 but I’m still going strong. To the people that have remained consistent and the memories that have kept me sane, cheers to you both for keeping my eyes beneath my mind and the tears inside my face. Thank you, girlfriend of mine, for spending this special birthday with me to help me cast away my teenage years into the stoned abyss that my past will cheerily welcome. I have hurt, scorned, and been torn apart numerous times throughout my personal journey only to sit here and blog, screaming behind these words telling people “I am still here”. Life is tough, but the future can remain bright to an optimist, yet be dimly lit to a pessimistic man. In the perspectives I have conquered and learned from, all I can say is thank you to the God that has guided me, helped me, and twiddled my faith around his fingertips to keep me safe and bless me with His presence.

Although I am not the perfect kid, or perfect adult, on my birthdays, I will never have reluctance to accept who I am, what I am, and what I’ve become through the years that have passed, and the many more to come.